Let go, and let God.

First, am no better writer, and also if you know me, know me well, you must know am no good reader too. Yeah I do read but I do it for content and info and not for vocabulary building.  But I pray they offer me great communication capabilities.  So technically, am writing this because I can speak, write and well, understand English.
Also,  am writing this to kill my depression and melancholy. I pray it works.
Not a memoir,  not an autobiography,  but just listen to my story.
Am a first born of 4, well 3 now because I lost my Lil brother approximately 19 years ago.  Well, before I tell you how being a first born is mind blowing,  I just learnt how losing my bro didn't affect me that much because I knew nothing, plus he was pretty young,  okay am not saying it ain't painful to die little, Of course my parents were so much affected.  Death is painful. I've also lived to imagine how beautiful it would be with him around.  Continue resting in peace boo.
Now, as I said,  a was the womb opener, am the one who made my mum be called someone's mum. So cute,  huh?! Yes very cute because somehow somewhat I was a very beautiful baby,  even if I don't look like one right now haha. So feels goods but comes with responsibilities.  Am 20 right now,  I barely have a job but my Lil sis keep asking me for money like am some CEO. So I have to squeeze my pocket money for her,  and am happy doing that though.
Amid these silly silly responsibilities of treating my youngens, comes being strong for them when situations arise.
My family has been through alot lately,  but my mum has been through alot her whole life.  And it drains me whenever I think of it. She is the strongest person I know,  and the most fragile.  You listen to how people usually say that women jump into conclusions like nobody's businesses,  my mum is worse.  But I must say am used to that,  I love her that way.  Mum was diagnosed with cancer late 2017, been 2 years since.  And boo cancer is no regular virus that can be prevented or treated easily.  It was a shock to everyone,  considering the fact that cancer is a lifestyle disease and yoowh,  I fail to understand how this regular lifestyle of ours would have brought that dreadful disease.
I hate cancer,  I really do.  Am starting to think cancer as some evil being, it is the T'challa in Black Panther, Thanos in Avengers, but Thanos is quiet good,  and probably the sad pregnant inspector in LCDP.
Cancer doesn't knock,  it storms in like you owe it some penny.  Gets in without anyone noticing and goes like, "uhm am striking this one,  no this other one, or no this one is too sad, haha(the evil laugh,  y'all know it) but I don't effing care, sad woman,  it's you going down"
And it adds heaps and heaps of sadness onto your lives,  giving no space for happiness.
Cancer might just be a word,  until it befalls you. It makes you question alot, from people, from God... Something we should not.
 Cancer is the mother then there's is the evil big bro called Chemo.
Chemo is a badass,  real badass trust me. Chemo squindles the victim,  messes up with the mental,  psychological, spiritual and even the physical composure of someone.  Nails turn black, body swelling(can reach a point where the patient can't be able to see because of the swollen eyes), appetite loss, opportunistic disease starts to scramble as if they were waiting for the patient to be immune low, and there comes the hair falling.
Before I used to think that these cancer patients were just overdoing this,  until I saw mama's hair fall one after the other,  and the head got clean paaah.
And you know what's worse?  That despite all these,  you can't be able to do anything.
I once read from one of my fav article writers,  Odhiambo Kaumah,  that whenever we pray for the sick,  we are just freeing ourselves from the guilt that we can't do anything to help them.  It's all on God.  But you see Odhiambo was just saying this because he prayed for his sick friend and at the end of the day he did not make it.
Somewhat what Odhis said is true,  but no,  I feel like that will be giving up.  And I won't give up at all.  Am strong, confident and all on God.
Cancer is terrible but my Mum will live many years, a victim or a survivor,  God is going to add her several years. To see me weathering the storms,  succeed and grow stronger.  To see her great grandkids. To see Me and my sister build her her dream house.  To gather for the Sunday brunches,  and spend Christmas together.  Lord may this my blessing this August,  Mama's health Lord.  Give her strength to soldier on and us faith to keep her strong.
All in all,  am grateful for the seen and the unseen,  for what has been and what is yet to be.

PS;  I don't own a personal editor,  so pardon the typos,  and also, I should read more and forget movies😂😂 Ooh and also this was a chef'ing blog😂  And stuff happened.  Anyway happy August peeps.